The Struggle is Real

Sin! It is the thing that has separated man from God. The thing that caused a place such as hell to be created by the Almighty God. The wages of it is death and, since the first sin committed by man, has condemned all of humanity to destruction in the lake of fire. Psalms 51:5 says “Behold, I was shapen in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.” We were literally born into it. Sin abounds! But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He loved us so much that he died so that we can be free from sin and death! I am so grateful to God for his mercies and grace! But the war against sin is a constant battle. We must take up our cross daily, die to our flesh, and choose to walk with Jesus. As Paul says, “I die daily”.

In life, we are faced with a world that lives in sin. The world accepts and encourages it and shows no remorse, restraint, or conviction in reverence to God. It is constantly pushed and shoved in our faces. From our early upbringings, we convey our sin tendencies in our personalities. We all have our own personal struggles with sin in our lives, whether it be from generational curses, our own lusts and pride, corrupt influences, and so on. We know that in order to please Him, we must put away these things. The Holy Spirit helps us to overcome our flesh and sinful lusts if we walk in it. (Gal. 5:16) “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” However, even Paul admits to the wrestling between his flesh and his spirit. Romans 7:15 says “For that which I do I allow not: for what I would do, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.” Verse 19 goes on to say “For the good that I would do I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.” I, personally, have had many battles where I have done something that I knew was wrong and that I shouldn’t have done, but I found myself doing it anyway. We are often led astray by our own temptations through sinful desires. James 1:14-15 says “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” 

My spirit and my flesh butt heads often, and when I knowingly sin, I immediately am convicted of the spirit. I sometimes slip into a dark place where I feel undeserving of mercy or love from God and it makes me turn to my fleshly desires even more. I have been in a place where I have asked God for forgiveness many times for a sin that I could never seem to escape from, it continuously enticed me back to it as if I could care less about God and his tender mercies toward me, and I begin to feel hopeless in my personal tussle with my fleshly desires. I would wonder why God forgives me in the first place when even I know I may very well be asking for forgiveness again very soon. That’s when the guilt of my sin and unrepentance fills me with shame and keeps me from running to God as my lusts swallow me as I indulge in it. Sin completely takes over as I give up fighting. I enjoy sin for a season, as the bible puts it, but my spirit and true desire to live for God would call me back to repentance. I realize that running to God despite the sin that I am in is the only way that I would ever be able to overcome sin and my flesh. That is why God instantly forgives me every time when I ask for forgiveness even when he knows that I will return to it like a dog returning to its vomit. He wants me to know that His grace covers me and His love for me is unconditional, and that the more I turn to him and seek him and give my weaknesses and shortcomings to him, the more I turn away from my lustful appetite and fleshly ways and desire them less. (2 Cor. 12:9) “And he said unto me, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” The amplified version sums it up perfectly. It says, “9 but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough – always available – regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” 

When I began writing this devotional, I had no intention of sharing my testimony of my past issues that God helped me get through. I only planned on relating to “the struggle” with sin and encouraging those that read this to pursue God no matter what and not to turn away from Him in shame and conviction, but to run to Him confessing your sins, letting godly sorrow bring you to repentance (2 Cor. 7:9-10). However, I felt it necessary to be transparent as I was typing away, so I hope that this helps someone in some way. I was introduced to porn at a pretty young age. It excited me and I liked it. I was 10 years old, and at the time even though I felt like it was wrong I did not know sex outside of marriage was a sin. I desired it for myself and my lust for women grew, but God kept me hidden from being physically active. My personality then was almost non-existent, and most people thought I was mute, especially in school. I talked to no one other than my friends and even that was very minimal unless I was home or in a comfortable environment. I didn’t truly desire to repent until I first got caught by my mom. I knew what I was doing all along, but after that the guilt and shame gnawed at me. I had to repent and never do it again. Shortly after, I got baptized at 14 and for about a year I kept my promise to God. After some time, it slowly eased me back in, seducing me with memories of visuals. Before long, I was breaking my promise and my lusts overtook me again. I felt the conviction of the spirit and asked for forgiveness almost daily at that time, but it didn’t change my behavior. I stopped asking for forgiveness after some time. I hated the fact that I asked God to forgive me for something that I knew I was most likely going to give in to later that week. It would tug at me, even on days that I wouldn’t really want to or wasn’t thinking about it at all. It had a strong hold on me. Throughout the years, my struggle continued, staying away from it for a significant amount of time at times, only to return to it eventually. It was so bad that it bled (so to speak) into my relationship with my wife before we got married and even after we were married. I almost lost my family because of it, and if it had not been for the Lord I very well might have. I couldn’t let this evil that I let in destroy my family. I prayed for deliverance and asked God to help me. God had brought me to a few scriptures that I had known but never actually understood what they truly meant until that time. One of the scriptures was 2 Corinthians 12:9 which I referenced already. I was also brought to 1 Corinthians 10:13 (“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”) and James 4:7 (“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”) I realized that my struggle with my lusts and porn were fed by my thoughts of it. I had to resist the thoughts and flee from the memories and the pull and fight to keep them out. I also had to realize that God can and will help me get through it and that I had to pray when I began to feel weak so that God can help through His spirit. Turning from God in shame and running away did nothing good for me. I thank God for His help and for deliverance now as I approach 6 years of freedom from porn.

During my struggles, I pleaded to God for deliverance or for God to take my lustful desires away. I cried when I thought about how many times I let God down, and I fell into a depression many times over it. I wanted to just give up and fully give into them often. But God wouldn’t let me go, and my spirit wrestled with my flesh constantly. He never gave up on me, even when everyone else, including myself, did. In the end, God got the victory! I saw a quote that I hope encourages everyone that reads this devotional. It says

“Some of you are depressed by your struggle with sin... Consider this: The fact that you have a struggle is evidence the Holy Spirit is motivating you to resist. The world has no struggle, they just indulge. But you have a fight, because The Spirit of God is still working on you.”

I pray that my words and my testimony help someone get through what they’re going through. Know that God loves you unconditionally, no matter how far you think you are from God. Even if you aren’t ready to repent, God can still do a work in you if you have a heart for Him and want to do right. He will begin to change you from the inside out so that you no longer desire the things you used to. But it doesn’t start when we get ourselves right, for without God we can do nothing. (John 15:5) "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." It starts when we seek Him in our mess and we desire to truly please Him. Then his strength can be made perfect in our weakness. (Matt. 6:33) “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Be blessed and continue to fight the good fight! -Levi